If you have followed me for a while, you might have spotted a few pictures on my social media pages of my Marley. Marley was my “heart dog” as many would say.
Almost a year ago Marley started having problems with a mass that appeared overnight on his foot. We took him to the vet, every two weeks for the next sixth months. They treated it aggressively, checking how it shrunk and then came back, we all thought it was allergies. It turns out after a few months of aggressively treating allergies, he got worse. We didn’t know what was happening. He couldn’t walk. He had lumps now from his feet to his chest. We called the vet in the middle of the night and made an appointment for the next day.
“Marley come on, let’s get in the car!” And even though he couldn’t hardly walk he was so happy to be able to go for a ride. If I would have known then what happened that day, I would have tried to make it a little more special.
The Vet, Dr. B, came into the office with a grim look on his face, and I knew what was happening. Marley had cancer, and it was fast growing and aggressive. He advised us that he could send us to another fancier vet office, and they would run thousands of dollars in tests, only to tell us the same thing. Marley was dying. Cancer had ruined his body.
Right then I remember the silence that was in that exam room, as I looked down at Marley, and he looked up at me. The shine was gone from his eyes. He was in pain, and it was time for me to stop selfishly holding on to him.
The vet said something to me that day that I think will stick with me for the rest of my life.
“He’s never going to leave your side. You’re his person. He would try to be normal: eat, go outside, take naps… and he would do it, for you. But the entire time he was trying to be strong for you, he would be in so much pain.”
So, I made that call. I let Marley go, on the floor of the vet’s office. That car ride home was the most silent, and the days following were not much better.
I never thought a dog could mean so much to me, but I learned that day, and every day since then. I will never take another day for granted. For my husband and I, Marley was like our son (we can’t have children).
I still get teary eyed when I talk about him, and I don’t like to talk about that day in June when I had to say goodbye. My only hope is that one day, we will see each other again.
You were a good boy.
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